Mrs Down's Diary May 20 2009

In this case John was cleaning out the heifers yard. This is situated at the end of the main foldyard, which was completely cleared out of muck a couple of weeks ago.

So that he could get into the muck in the heifers yard safely, the heifers were let into the big foldyard for a gallop round.

These are heifers we shall not be putting to our bull as they are his daughters. They are being kept apart until they are ready to serve later in the year with a different bull. Probably a hired one.

The muck is taken to a pile in a nearby field where we are still permitted to let it mature for spreading. For the meantime. When the Nitrate Vulnerable Zone procedures take a full grip, this may no longer be allowed.

Don't ask me what we are supposed to do with it all then. We are still thinking that one out. The same as we are still thinking about electronic ear tags for sheep.

Who thinks these things up? Must be someone who has a very close ear in DEFRA (and could do with an electronic tag through their own lug) and persuades them that it will be a nice money-making scheme for someone to sell all this new computerised equipment to farmers.

Apparently when the scanners for these tags have been trialled in markets in pens of ten sheep, they will only recognise nine sheep. It will cause havoc. And that's just the first thing that can go wrong. Whoever dreamed up the tags in ears idea has obviously never had to deal with flocks of actual animals.

On a day-to-day basis, sheep and cows regularly tear out, knock out, pull out, or yank out the ones they have in now. Stock wriggle their heads through netting, fences and feed creeps, or rub up against gates, trees and branches, and that is just for starters.

Back to the break out. The main gates into our farm yard were open, so that John could go back and forth with the tractor, but he was sure that the gates out of the foldyard were shut. Certain.

That is until through a gap in the weather boards at the end of the foldyard, he glimpsed a group of heifers gallivanting off down the road.

Not good, he thought to himself; "they look remarkably similar to the ones that should be safe and sound inside."

Reversing at full tilt out of the yard to set off in hot pursuit, he nearly wiped out a passer-by who had come to tell him about the escapees. What a nice man. John went one way in the Land Rover to try to head the ladies off before they made any attempt to reach the main road, and the passer-by agreed to block a T-junction where they might also go for a wander. Fortunately, the heifers did not go far.

Fresh wayside grass was too tempting and other motorists sensibly decided to stop and watch the goings on rather than try to drive past the heifers and upset them.

Soon, with the help of thousands, they were back in the foldyard. Thank you the public.