Agony aunt column: Ask Lucy

This is the latest column from Lucy Saunders, who provides a regular agony aunt feature - Ask Lucy.

Sunday, 10th July 2016, 5:16 pm
Updated Friday, 8th June 2018, 2:24 am
Lucy Saunders SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001 SUS-160623-152004001

If you have a question for Lucy please email her at [email protected].

Dear Lucy: My son is 27 and his girlfriend is 24. They are wanting to move in together and I am afraid I have to bite my lip every time I meet her, as she is very aloof and cold towards me and seems very possessive about my son.

Lucy: Maybe your son’s partner is possessive about your son because she feels you are finding it hard to ‘let go of him’. There is a lot going on for you, as well as for your son emotionally, as he is having to find his feet with his new commitment to move in with his partner. You are having to let go of your son and recognise he is an adult and is choosing to live with his girlfriend and not you. Mother in law and daughter in law can be a difficult relationship as there is now 2 women in your son’s life and I am afraid this is now the time you have to let him go and let his partner be his ‘primary love’. There is nothing you can do but support your son and his partner. I would advise you to really try and get on with her otherwise the more you disapprove of her, the more you will push your son away too.

Dear Lucy: My daughter is at secondary school and I am very concerned that she is going to be bullied like I was. I asked her if she is being bullied and she say’s no. How can I be sure?

Lucy: I feel you may be possibly ‘projecting’ your past fears about your bullying onto your daughter that have not yet come into fruition. I totally empathise with your concerns, as bullying can be difficult to spot, as adolescents can be very secretive about their private lives, especially to their parents. Try not to be too anxious and keep your communication open. I was wondering if you have ever discussed what happened to you when you were at school, as this might give your daughter permission to be honest with you, if she feels the need to talk. You might find some of these websites listed below helpful?

Dear Lucy: My husband is controlling and puts me down and there is a tension between us that I am not making enough money. I am self employed and things aren’t great at the moment, which is affecting our sex life.

Lucy: The issues here seem to be, who’s controlling who? It sounds like you feel that you have no control over your business and this can make one want to ‘withhold’ sex as a part of gaining back some sort of control. I can imagine your self esteem is not that good at the moment, which is also affecting your libido. Your husband’s controlling issues could be he is ‘acting out’ other frustrations that are going on in his life. I think you need to be honest with him about the way you don’t like the way he controls you. Normally one is unaware that one is doing it. Your husband needs to address this issue, as it will cause huge resentment in the future. I hope things pick up for you in the future.

Lucy is a BACP Accredited Qualified Counsellor. She previously worked in the media as an actress.