Boundary changes: Which Worthing MP should we keep?

The proposal, as reported in last week’s Herald, to change the constituency boundaries and reduce the number of MPs at Westminster is a bold and exciting proposal as it will save our country money and strengthen our economy – rather than reduce the size of government opposition as some cynical commentators on the left have suggested.

This is a great opportunity for the MPs of Worthing to show how bold and progressive they can be when taking difficult decisions.

Since the boundary changes in 1997, hard working, Worthing taxpayers have had to pay for two MPs – a position which is clearly unsustainable in today’s economic climate.

Therefore, I propose that we take streamlining measures and remove one of the honourable gentlemen from office. But which one should go?
I propose that we force them to compete for the role. Since competition drives up standards, whoever wins will be a superior representative for the town.
The competition should run like this:

Both candidates will be removed from their positions and made to re-apply for their jobs at a vastly reduced wage – possibly on a zero hours contract. This is fair and will not only keep down the running costs of the competition itself but the reduction in wage will serve as an incentive to both candidates and lift them out of a life of party complacency and safe-seat dependancy.

While they are in the process of re-applying, both candidates will be fully assessed as to their fitness and suitability for the position. These assessments will be carried out by independent, privately run companies whose target-driven staff will fill in check lists and tick boxes to determine if the candidates qualify for payment or require sanctions against them.
This will also serve as an incentive to both candidates.
When the assessment is complete, one candidate will be declared to be ‘failing’ and will be put into special measures. These measures will include forcing the candidate to become owned by an academy trust who will drive up the candidate’s standards and behaviour, making sure he wears a decent suit and tie, walks between government offices in complete silence and understands the correct usage of an exclamation mark.
This will fill the candidate with aspiration and serve as an incentive.
Any local opposition to the candidate being ‘academised’ in this way will not be permitted so as not to hinder the process. One day spent as a failing politician is one day too many.
The winning candidate will, before he is allowed to sit in parliament, have his home assessed to determine if he has any spare capacity.

If he is found to have rooms that he does not need, then his home will be taken away and given to a property developer to be turned into affordable housing. The candidate will be relocated to a much smaller property in an densely populated area on the outskirts of the town.

This will serve as an incentive to the candidate to stop being a burden on society and aspire to a better life as an elected representative of the people of this town.

These measures could easily be pushed through parliament with the use of back bench filibusters and, as there are cost implications, could have financial privilege attached to them so that the House of Lords is unable to contest them.
I am certain that our two current MPs would support the measures I have outlined here, not only because they are the right thing to do but because they are vital to make necessary savings for hard working taxpayers, to show that they are bold enough to take the difficult decisions required to keep our economy strong and to prove that they are, indeed, representative of the party of aspiration.

David Norton

Littlehampton Road

Worthing

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