According to a report in last week’s Herald, Adur District Council intends to demolish a public toilet in Lancing and will not replace it because, it says, there are four others already available in the village.
Now, the word ‘already’ translates as ‘now’, and the council was quite correct to use it in its statement because there are, indeed, four others already – now – available in the village.
However, saying that they are ‘already available’ is not the same as saying that they are ‘readily available’, meaning ‘without delay’, as these other conveniences are far from convenient, being located quite a distance from the one being knocked down.
I would, therefore, suggest that the council install a signpost (surely it can find enough cash to do that?) pointing south towards the alternative loos and giving suitable advice, depending on how urgent the needs of local residents are at the time.
Perhaps it will consider the following wording: “If you think ‘I might want to go but there is no pressing need’ then why not spend 20 minutes taking a leisurely, one mile stroll down to the loo outside the Sailing Club?
“If you think ‘I do need to go but I can hold on a bit’ then the one on Beach Green is the one for you; you should make it in about a quarter of an hour.
“If you think ‘I need one now!’ then you have a choice of either the parish hall or the one next to the Methodist Church. However, although they are only about 800 yards away, the normal ten minute walk (or five minutes if the need is really urgent and you are running!) will be considerably longer if the level crossing gates are down at the time!
For and on behalf of Adur District Council, ‘Salvis habitant ibi denariorum libras, intercipiendo quoties libuerit’.
(Or, to put it into plain English, ‘Saving pounds by stopping residents spending pennies’.)
• Benefit from an ongoing discount on your Herald or Littlehampton Gazette by joining our voucher membership scheme. Once you’ve subscribed we’ll send you dated vouchers which can be exchanged for your paper at any news outlet. To save money on your Herald or Littlehampton Gazette simply click here.